| (no subject) |
[Feb. 22nd, 2005|03:37 pm] |
this is the second update ive tried to make in the last motherfucking week...that has been deleted
motherfuck livejournal to hell...where it shall burn for a thousand eternities. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2004|10:29 pm] |
| [ | I feel |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | A good song |
| | The doors- The end | ] |
am I updating...?
No, I'm not. |
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| My sesame street cloak... |
[Nov. 19th, 2003|11:41 pm] |
| [ | A good song |
| | Harry Potter Theme - John Williams | ] |
I was walking up the stairs...and at the top of my stairs theres a full length mirror on the wall that you face when you reach the top. The lights were off and i had my sesame street blanket over my shoulders and when i walked up the stairs and saw myself in the mirror it looked like i was wearing a cloak...it made me sad because i wish i could be a wizard and be at hogwarts. Be best friends with fred and george...try to make friends with peeves somehow...chill with sir nicholas inbetween classes and try hard to make snape not hate me. I'd always visit hagrid so i could play with fangs and DEFINATELY be a member of S.P.E.W. and devote my life to freeing house elfs. It would just be cool. Its intense because ive read the books...and now im seeing the movies..the 2nd one was on tv a couple days ago and i watched it...i only missed the first 15 minutes...and it just seems so real. If there is a heaven...i want mine to be at hogwarts.
I dont want to talk about school because i dont...no..im not going currently...and yes..i am gonna go back..and i dont know when and it should be soon but i just dont know.
I'm really confused right now...probably more confused then i have ever been...i just dont understand how i can be having so many doubts on something ive wanted more then anything in the world.....do i even want that anymore...i dont understand myself right now. And now im realizing that on the other side (the side ive wanted to be on for long) there are problems you will have to face..and im thinking about those problems now and its making me not want to have that anymore. I'm used to living my life this way...and i didnt think about how if i got what i wanted..how that would change so much. I don't know what i want right now...and ive never felt like that before..ive always known that that is what i want and have always been wanting for so many years...and if i dont want that anymore...then what DO i want? I took my sleeping pill...and its hard for me to make sense when im half falling asleep...its hard for me to make sense out of it anyway..this whole entry probably wont make sense- and now its 1:40 and im too tired to write anymore so ill write tomorrow |
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| Oooooooh, it makes me wonder..... Ooooooooooh, it really makes me wonder... |
[Nov. 17th, 2003|09:15 pm] |
| [ | I feel |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | A good song |
| | Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven | ] |
I was just thinking about god...i dont know why but its weird...i want to believe in god...but if there was a god wouldnt bad things not happen...its hard for me to believe something without proof like...if someone was standing by a door and said it was locked...id have to try and open it anyway..just to know for myself that it is indeed locked. I was getting ready to go to danny and justins halloween party and i couldnt find my other go-go boot and i looked everywhere and my mom looked everywhere...and i was getting upset and my mom was getting frustrated..and my mom half talking to herself half talking to me said "if there is a god...the missing go-go boot will be found" and like 10 minutes later my mom walked upstairs with it...it was in the storage room, i have no idea why. Back during the columbine shootings one of the guys pointed a gun at a girls head and asked her if she believed in god...she said yes and he shot her. That is why i have trouble believing in god. If there is a god...i dont think he would have let her die after she spoke of her faith in him while a loaded gun was pointed at her head. You ask god for happiness...health...forgiveness...life... So yeah...i found my boot for the party...but in those words she asked god for life...and he killed her.
I think about that a lot. |
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| Can you say...obsession?? |
[Nov. 16th, 2003|10:13 pm] |
| [ | I feel |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | A good song |
| | Sheer Funk and Misery - Big Blue Sun | ] |
yay vegans!
An actual update later- |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 12th, 2003|10:34 pm] |
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It's november 12th...and we had a storm...someone tell me why it is thunderstorming in november? |
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| I hope theres ice on all the roads... |
[Nov. 12th, 2003|09:18 pm] |
| [ | I feel |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | A good song |
| | John Williams - harry potter theme | ] |
I hate medication. Period the end.
I found out from tiff (not my doctor) that ambien causes tolerance, dependency, and withdrawl when you go off of it. And...after you take it for more then 2 weeks you can get rebound insomnia...which means its harder for you to sleep then it was before you took it, great. I suppose that must be why i take it and dont sleep good anymore. Your not supposed to take more then 10 mg...i took 15mg tonight. I knew sleeping pills were bad...i just knew it.
Mindy's 21st birthday is today! :)
I thought about a ton of stuff today...just a ton...mostly all depressing stuff: i.e. my dads heart attack...putting my dog to sleep...my papa sams funeral...just reliving crazy depressing stuff like that. Thats why i like sleeping..because you cant think about things...and you may dream..but at least when you wake up you know it was a dream and after a little while you forget about the dream.
Tomorrow is going to be one hell of a boring day...because im going to be in lrc the whole day...since im not taking the test in 2nd hour
I just watched 2 episodes of south park...man i love cartman...and towlie now.
bed |
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| I see you baby...shakin that ass |
[Nov. 11th, 2003|07:32 pm] |
| [ | I feel |
| | curious | ] |
| [ | A good song |
| | Harvey Danger- Flagpole sitta | ] |
I didnt go to breakfast with joey this morning...things are weird now and i dont know what to do...so ill just sit tight and wait i suppose.
School was blah...i did pretty much nothing all day...then went home early cuz i had michelle at 2. I was going to go to the secretary of state but it was closed today, ah well...tomorrow.
I got my pictures back from friday night and some from other things...they are so cute i need to buy more picture frames.
I didnt have much to say to michelle...so we just kinda chilled and talked about random stuff.
I took a nap...but was awoken i dont know how many times by the door bell...my mom yelling "LORI?" (which i didnt reply to) and then the grand finale was my dog tyler having a total barking attack for like 10 minutes and no one did anything to make him be quiet. Oh well..its better off like that cuz then i will be able to sleep tonight.
Mindy's 21st birthday is tomorrow and i know exactly what im going to get her...i have to go shopping tomorrow.
24 is on tonight...which means i wont be going to bed till 10...damn. |
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| Stupid girl. |
[Nov. 10th, 2003|08:53 pm] |
| [ | I feel |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | A good song |
| | Stupid girl | ] |
I'm frustrated and im cold.
Tomorrow is a busy day...maybe breakfast with joey...maybe not. Field trip 2nd hour...thrapist at 2...pick up pictures..go to secretary of state.
I'm really anxious and i hate when things change and everythings changing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2003|03:34 am] |
| [ | I feel |
| |  thirsty | ] |
| [ | A good song |
| | Jet - Are you gonna be my girl | ] |
I didn't take my sleeping pill last night because i was so tired i didnt think i needed to...obviously i was wrong. I'm gonna go downstairs and get a drink of water...im thirsty |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 9th, 2003|05:34 pm] |
| [ | I feel |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | A good song |
| | wat da hook gon be | ] |
Starting off...friday night. Halloween party at dannys old house was sooo much fun. At first i was a little shakey...being the youngest one there by far...but once everyone starting drinking...and i had a little bit of alcohol in myself...i became very very friendly. Dannys friend dean is one of the coolest people i have ever met..i hugged him a lot. I hugged everyone a lot. At one point in the night...mason came up to me and leslie..i think it was me and leslie..and put his arm around me..and looked at us and said "i wanna see some boobs." I love max..he kept trying to cover me up because i was a little exposed...and a drunk justin took a 20 dollar bill out of my shirt with his teeth. I dont remember how i got it..but after mason starting throwing up i found the beard he was wearing and wore it for the rest of the night. Mason threw up and matt was trying to take a good picture..and i took a picture too..i dont know why. Zane got very very sick and it reminded me of myself when i got sick that one time with lisa. I gave mason my pillow which i later regretted because i had a horrible night sleep without it and i woke up at around 5:30 with a horrible stomach ache..went back to sleep..and then left at 8:30ish because i was tired and i just wanted to go back to sleep.
I saw elf saturday night...it was a really funny movie
Today I slept..and slept and slept
Our new dog ivy just got here...shes smaller then tyler and shes pissing my off because she keeps jumping on and biting tyler and its upsetting me. They're intense downstairs..woah growling and barking..this is going to be crazy.
Ok..time to go- |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2003|09:41 pm] |
I wish I could just...fix everything
I just wanna make everyone laugh
I wanna be everything to everyone
I wanna make everyone happy
I care about other people more then I care about myself...I do things to please other people when I should be doing them for myself. It makes me happy when I see someone smile and know its because of me. Its getting hard...im there, I just dont show it..not as much anymore.
bed |
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| Ode to Joey |
[Nov. 6th, 2003|03:44 pm] |
I didnt sleep last night...again..and i was making a journal and joey was on..so we were talking..and he sends me a link..so i click it and boom..journal got deleted. We talked for like...2 hours..and we played webcam..where we went on yahoo messenger and i got to see him..like move and stuff...it was so fun...he rolled his eyes at me like 5 times. We started talking about chips...ruffles chips..and we both wanted some..so i told him to come over and we could go get chips..it was like.. 4:45 in the morning. Then he said he couldnt find his keys...but then he did..and he showed them to me...and so i sent him directions and he lives 40 minutes away...so he got all mad:
blackhexinc: omg
blackhexinc: a fucking 40 minute drive
blackhexinc: to bring you chips
blackhexinc: at 5 am
blackhexinc: i hope you know youll never even find a boyfriend who will do this for you
blackhexinc: chips at 5 am
I got all excited but then he couldnt come :( and we were gonna go out to breakfast later but i had school :( and so it was sad. We both got like 1 and a half hours of sleep...which is my fault..and i feel really bad. Hes 6'4...tall people are cool..i dont even know if the top of my head would reach his chin. Oh yeah...and he read the harry potter books too (he showed them all to me but the 5th one...webcams are SO COOL!) Well...he already called me a dork..so im gonna go--
our dog is supposed to come TODAY now but i bet she wont-
I decided..that even though the song "hey ya" reminded me of lisas brother...david now owns it..everytime i hear that song i think of him..im handing him the rights to that song-
thats all |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2003|07:27 am] |
I dont know where to go back to sleep.
We're getting another dog today...ill tell you about that later-
I miss jon zilber.
I think im making my triumphant return back to school thursday..then i will have 2 weeks and then have another week off of school.
I have michelle today
i think thats all |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 31st, 2003|04:34 am] |
I can't sleep...im in sort of.. a little perdicament. You see...im supposed to take ambien before i go to bed to fall asleep...because i cant fall asleep at night...hense my still being up...but i took a stacker this evening...and i dont think it would be wise to take a pill to slow down my body..after i took a pill to speed it up. I also have my nightly stomach ache...i get them mostly every night now and i dont know why...and id like to take pepto bismol but after i took my pills one night and i wanted to take it my mom said not to...i dont remember why.
And I can't wake my mom and be like...i cant sleep...and i was wondering if i could take ambien after taking a stacker..because she would flip the fuck out if i told her. And anyways...if i took ambien at almost 5 in the morning it would fuck up my biological clock..which is already fucked up. Oh well...mindy is up and online too so ill talk to her |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 30th, 2003|03:51 pm] |
| My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul |
|---|
| junebug493 goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as a hooker. | | ashable gives you 15 brown coffee-flavoured nuggets. | | cortnee gives you 19 light green apple-flavoured gummy bats. | | diggalicious tricks you! You get a dead frog. | | fezzmonky gives you 2 brown watermelon-flavoured gumdrops. | | illshowyousuper tricks you! You get a pen cap. | | mrsub tricks you! You lose 32 pieces of candy! | | mvpete gives you 1 light green coconut-flavoured gummies. | | popsicles987 gives you 14 mauve peach-flavoured hard candies. | | sweetie41087 tricks you! You get a block of wood. | | sweetlaughz tricks you! You lose 10 pieces of candy! | | junebug493 ends up with 9 pieces of candy, a dead frog, a pen cap, and a block of wood. | | Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern. |
Thanks for the dead frog and block of wood David and Lisa |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2003|09:26 pm] |
I'm getting really confused...there are choices i have to make..and i need to talk about it with someone but everyone wants me to do a different thing...and will persuade me to do it..so i cant decide on my own..im just really confused.
I wont be at school on halloween...the last halloween of my school career and i wont be there...see..next year halloween is on a sunday so that doesnt count.
I guess thats all, feel better david. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2003|01:28 am] |
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Not that you care, but i found my blanky...it was upstairs in my bed. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2003|11:50 pm] |
I don't sleep anymore...im like a nocternal isomniac...only i cant fall asleep for long during the day either. I'm starting a sleeping pill tonight...which i have mixed feelings about taking.
I have 7 holes combined in both my ears...approx. 3-4 our infected...1 is so infected i dont even wanna talk about it.
24 started tonight...no commercials...some one has to take cliff notes for me..so i can follow the show.
I saw michelle at 2..i dont remember half the stuff we talked about because my eyes were closed the whole time.
My parents are both addicted to petfinder.com when my moms not on the computer looking at dogs my dad is. And my mom is writing e-mails to people...and then my dad is making my mom write e-mails to people..and call people. And everyday, from one of them I hear, "Lori..come over here and look at this dog..." And im just like...will you just get another dog already.
J.K. Rowling better be working really hard to get the 6th harry potter book out..im about to read "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand...a philosophical book on objectivism..my mom thinks im too young to understand it...and its a paperback, ugh.
Oh yeah...i lost my blanky...and only under certain circumstances can i sleep without it..so im putting my parents on red alert to look out for it :( |
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