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(no subject) [Feb. 22nd, 2005|03:37 pm]
this is the second update ive tried to make in the last motherfucking week...that has been deleted

motherfuck livejournal to hell...where it shall burn for a thousand eternities.

(no subject) [Nov. 20th, 2004|10:29 pm]
[I feel |tiredtired]
[A good song |The doors- The end]

am I updating...?

No, I'm not.

My sesame street cloak... [Nov. 19th, 2003|11:41 pm]
[A good song |Harry Potter Theme - John Williams]

I was walking up the stairs...and at the top of my stairs theres a full length mirror on the wall that you face when you reach the top. The lights were off and i had my sesame street blanket over my shoulders and when i walked up the stairs and saw myself in the mirror it looked like i was wearing a cloak...it made me sad because i wish i could be a wizard and be at hogwarts. Be best friends with fred and george...try to make friends with peeves somehow...chill with sir nicholas inbetween classes and try hard to make snape not hate me. I'd always visit hagrid so i could play with fangs and DEFINATELY be a member of S.P.E.W. and devote my life to freeing house elfs. It would just be cool. Its intense because ive read the books...and now im seeing the movies..the 2nd one was on tv a couple days ago and i watched it...i only missed the first 15 minutes...and it just seems so real. If there is a heaven...i want mine to be at hogwarts.
I dont want to talk about school because i dont...no..im not going currently...and yes..i am gonna go back..and i dont know when and it should be soon but i just dont know.
I'm really confused right now...probably more confused then i have ever been...i just dont understand how i can be having so many doubts on something ive wanted more then anything in the world.....do i even want that anymore...i dont understand myself right now. And now im realizing that on the other side (the side ive wanted to be on for long) there are problems you will have to face..and im thinking about those problems now and its making me not want to have that anymore. I'm used to living my life this way...and i didnt think about how if i got what i wanted..how that would change so much. I don't know what i want right now...and ive never felt like that before..ive always known that that is what i want and have always been wanting for so many years...and if i dont want that anymore...then what DO i want? I took my sleeping pill...and its hard for me to make sense when im half falling asleep...its hard for me to make sense out of it anyway..this whole entry probably wont make sense- and now its 1:40 and im too tired to write anymore so ill write tomorrow

Oooooooh, it makes me wonder..... Ooooooooooh, it really makes me wonder... [Nov. 17th, 2003|09:15 pm]
[I feel |curiouscurious]
[A good song |Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven]

I was just thinking about god...i dont know why but its weird...i want to believe in god...but if there was a god wouldnt bad things not happen...its hard for me to believe something without proof like...if someone was standing by a door and said it was locked...id have to try and open it anyway..just to know for myself that it is indeed locked. I was getting ready to go to danny and justins halloween party and i couldnt find my other go-go boot and i looked everywhere and my mom looked everywhere...and i was getting upset and my mom was getting frustrated..and my mom half talking to herself half talking to me said "if there is a god...the missing go-go boot will be found" and like 10 minutes later my mom walked upstairs with it...it was in the storage room, i have no idea why. Back during the columbine shootings one of the guys pointed a gun at a girls head and asked her if she believed in god...she said yes and he shot her. That is why i have trouble believing in god. If there is a god...i dont think he would have let her die after she spoke of her faith in him while a loaded gun was pointed at her head. You ask god for happiness...health...forgiveness...life... So yeah...i found my boot for the party...but in those words she asked god for life...and he killed her.

I think about that a lot.

Can you say...obsession?? [Nov. 16th, 2003|10:13 pm]
[I feel |blahblah]
[A good song |Sheer Funk and Misery - Big Blue Sun]

What is your emo band name? by spiralinghalo
Your band name is:Vegans in August Rain
You sound like:Rainer Maria
You will be signed to:Dying Wish Records
Your emo lyrics are:"My smile decays as days slowly soak away from yesterday"
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

yay vegans!

What do people really think about you? by Raven319
favorite song
Parents thinkYou're sleeping around
Strangers thinkYou need a makeover
Friends thinkYou're a slut
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Your Years at Hogwarts by nevermindless
The Sorting Hat places you in: Gryffindor (Red and Gold)
Subject you are naturally best at: Herbology
Your favorite book: The Standard Book of Spells Grade 1 by: Miranda Goshawk
Pet you bring to school: Montane Forest Owl
You are most known for: Being Prof. Quirrel's favorite student.
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

This is how a fucking gangsta rolls.. by starlitelily
gangsta name
gangsta jobstand there and look cool
your fucking problemcrack addict
# of times you ran from the cops89
your sayingyou better check yourself
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Who are your Celebrity Parents? by opp_girl_4_tp
Your Name
Your MomNicole Kidman
Your DadJustin Timberlake
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Which Band Should You Be In? by couplandesque
Your Name
Band NameDeftones
TrademarkEveryone Claims To Dislike You
Love InterestWell-Known Actor
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Your rockstar husband by girl_rotten
HusbandDavey Havok of AFI
Wedding DayMarch 25, 2014
Number of Kids9
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

An actual update later-

(no subject) [Nov. 12th, 2003|10:34 pm]
It's november 12th...and we had a storm...someone tell me why it is thunderstorming in november?

I hope theres ice on all the roads... [Nov. 12th, 2003|09:18 pm]
[I feel |tiredtired]
[A good song |John Williams - harry potter theme]

I hate medication. Period the end.
I found out from tiff (not my doctor) that ambien causes tolerance, dependency, and withdrawl when you go off of it. And...after you take it for more then 2 weeks you can get rebound insomnia...which means its harder for you to sleep then it was before you took it, great. I suppose that must be why i take it and dont sleep good anymore. Your not supposed to take more then 10 mg...i took 15mg tonight. I knew sleeping pills were bad...i just knew it.
Mindy's 21st birthday is today! :)
I thought about a ton of stuff today...just a ton...mostly all depressing stuff: i.e. my dads heart attack...putting my dog to sleep...my papa sams funeral...just reliving crazy depressing stuff like that. Thats why i like sleeping..because you cant think about things...and you may dream..but at least when you wake up you know it was a dream and after a little while you forget about the dream.
Tomorrow is going to be one hell of a boring day...because im going to be in lrc the whole day...since im not taking the test in 2nd hour
I just watched 2 episodes of south park...man i love cartman...and towlie now.

I see you baby...shakin that ass [Nov. 11th, 2003|07:32 pm]
[I feel |curiouscurious]
[A good song |Harvey Danger- Flagpole sitta]

I didnt go to breakfast with joey this morning...things are weird now and i dont know what to do...so ill just sit tight and wait i suppose.
School was blah...i did pretty much nothing all day...then went home early cuz i had michelle at 2. I was going to go to the secretary of state but it was closed today, ah well...tomorrow.
I got my pictures back from friday night and some from other things...they are so cute i need to buy more picture frames.
I didnt have much to say to michelle...so we just kinda chilled and talked about random stuff.
I took a nap...but was awoken i dont know how many times by the door bell...my mom yelling "LORI?" (which i didnt reply to) and then the grand finale was my dog tyler having a total barking attack for like 10 minutes and no one did anything to make him be quiet. Oh well..its better off like that cuz then i will be able to sleep tonight.
Mindy's 21st birthday is tomorrow and i know exactly what im going to get her...i have to go shopping tomorrow.
24 is on tonight...which means i wont be going to bed till 10...damn.

Stupid girl. [Nov. 10th, 2003|08:53 pm]
[I feel |frustratedfrustrated]
[A good song |Stupid girl]

I'm frustrated and im cold.
Tomorrow is a busy day...maybe breakfast with joey...maybe not. Field trip 2nd hour...thrapist at 2...pick up pictures..go to secretary of state.
I'm really anxious and i hate when things change and everythings changing.

(no subject) [Nov. 10th, 2003|03:34 am]
[I feel |thirstythirsty]
[A good song |Jet - Are you gonna be my girl]

I didn't take my sleeping pill last night because i was so tired i didnt think i needed to...obviously i was wrong. I'm gonna go downstairs and get a drink of water...im thirsty

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