|My sesame street cloak...
||[Nov. 19th, 2003|11:41 pm]
|[||A good song
|||||Harry Potter Theme - John Williams||]|
I was walking up the stairs...and at the top of my stairs theres a full length mirror on the wall that you face when you reach the top. The lights were off and i had my sesame street blanket over my shoulders and when i walked up the stairs and saw myself in the mirror it looked like i was wearing a cloak...it made me sad because i wish i could be a wizard and be at hogwarts. Be best friends with fred and george...try to make friends with peeves somehow...chill with sir nicholas inbetween classes and try hard to make snape not hate me. I'd always visit hagrid so i could play with fangs and DEFINATELY be a member of S.P.E.W. and devote my life to freeing house elfs. It would just be cool. Its intense because ive read the books...and now im seeing the movies..the 2nd one was on tv a couple days ago and i watched it...i only missed the first 15 minutes...and it just seems so real. If there is a heaven...i want mine to be at hogwarts.
I dont want to talk about school because i dont...no..im not going currently...and yes..i am gonna go back..and i dont know when and it should be soon but i just dont know.
I'm really confused right now...probably more confused then i have ever been...i just dont understand how i can be having so many doubts on something ive wanted more then anything in the world.....do i even want that anymore...i dont understand myself right now. And now im realizing that on the other side (the side ive wanted to be on for long) there are problems you will have to face..and im thinking about those problems now and its making me not want to have that anymore. I'm used to living my life this way...and i didnt think about how if i got what i wanted..how that would change so much. I don't know what i want right now...and ive never felt like that before..ive always known that that is what i want and have always been wanting for so many years...and if i dont want that anymore...then what DO i want? I took my sleeping pill...and its hard for me to make sense when im half falling asleep...its hard for me to make sense out of it anyway..this whole entry probably wont make sense- and now its 1:40 and im too tired to write anymore so ill write tomorrow